Sunday, September 21, 2008

3rd Annual Man Day

Yesterday was our yearly Guyfest which is all about Guy's loves. That's Guy's loves not Guy love.

Now I'm not saying anything like that did or did not happen at Man Day, that's our business (who are you to judge me).

The essence of Man Day, though, is really three fold. First you need Men, or at least guys who can do a serviceable imitation of men. It's really not important how manly they are; they just have to be up for a good time, oh and down with consuming massive amounts of meat.

That brings me to number 2 (yes I said number 2 and every guy who was at Man Day just giggled; that's right number 2 like doodie, ha ha very mature) which is of course meat. You will not find a vegetable at Man Day except the onions we put on our burgers and hot dogs. Man Day is about eating as much meat as your body can tolerate. Is this healthy? No, but like Jeff Foxworthy said, "I believe men die earlier than women because they want to." Well said Jeff, well said. Oh but don't think we're being irresponsible though, thanks to my brother-in-law, we did have a trained medical professional on hand. Of course if he went down we'd all be in trouble but Man Day is not about dwelling on such unpleasant details no matter how inevitable they may sound.

The final ingredient to Man Day is sport. In our case football, but really any sport will do (except curling, I mean come on what the heck is that all about). Sport is something all men can relate to. We can all bask in the glow of competitive games designed so that an individual or team can assert his/their dominance over another.
**disclaimer**If any kids are reading this what I mean by that is it's all about good sportsmanship and fair play. It doesn't matter if you win or lose it's how you play the game.

We had 10 participants in all; each with at least a passable understanding of what it is to be a man. We had four games on two TV's centered around the ASU/Georgia game. We gorged ourselves on chicken wings, bacon-wrapped mini dogs (that's right bacon-wrapped), Jamaican rice and peas (peas are beans so don't think there was anything green at Man Day because there wasn't), Jay's hot dogs (divine) with all the toppings, brawts, burgers, pizza, chips, pineapple upside down cake, M&M's, ice cream, soda (orange creme...hmmm), and of course Kool Aid (nothing really compares to a beverage with a water to sugar ratio of slightly under 2 to 1).

The outcome of the games did not matter as everyone left feeling satisfied (and a little ill). And that's what Man Day is all about.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Movies I Like (Just Because)

I was flipping through the channels this weekend and The 13th Warrior was on. So I settled in to watch it for about the twentieth time. Lola likes to mock me for this because the rating system on our Dish gives it 1.5 stars out of 5. Anyway, it got me thinking about movies I like just because.

To give you some idea of where I'm coming from I firmly believe that all great movies have a headbutt in them. That's not to say that all movies with a headbutt in them are great but to get the highly coveted Aaron Blaylock Great Movie Stamp of Approval it must have a headbutt. Without it the movie can be really good or even really really good, just not great.

In addition a great movie must be quotable. If you can get through a movie without remembering a one liner or an emphatic statement or speech of some sort then it cannot be considered a great movie. Some of my favorite movies have no headbutt whatsoever but they are all quotable.

Alright, so I wouldn't put any of the following movies in my top 10 favorite movies, and none of them are winning any Academy Awards (unless they finally accept my incessant petitioning to create an award for Awesomeness), as a matter of fact I wouldn't even watch them unless they were on TV (for several reasons) but I like them...just because.

The 13th Warrior
An elite group of Viking warriors and an Arab poet take on a hoard of cannibals masquerading as bears. What's not to love?

This movie is filled with great lines and is from start to finish my favorite "guy movie".

My favorite quote is when Herger (a viking) throws a large sword to Eben (the Arab poet whom Herger calls "little brother")

Eben says, "I cannot lift this." Herger jubilantly replies, "Grow stronger."

And then there's this scene The Viking Death Prayer at the end:

Does it get better than that? I submit to you that it does not.

Cameron Poe (a cool name by the way) is an Army Ranger who is sent to prison after accidentally killing a man while protecting his wife outside a bar. He is finally being released after years in prison and going home to see his wife and child, who he has never seen because she was born while he was in prison and he didn't want her to see him behind bars. The only problem is his ride home is on a plane full of high level pscychopaths that take over said plane. Poe, who is always in the wrong place at the wrong time, spends the rest of the movie repeatedly saving the day.

One of the subtlety funny things throughout the movie is the bunny that he is bringing home for his daughter; it becomes a point of contention several times with a couple of different bad guys. Leading to several unintentionally funny lines. "Put the bunny back in the box.", "Why couldn't you just put the bunny back in the box?" and "Make a move and the bunny gets it!"

John Malkovich is an outstanding lunatic in this movie and is the mastermind behind the plot to take over the plane. He is also very funny. Observe:

A futurist society in which children are selected at birth and trained to be emotionless killing machines. Todd (played by Kurt Russell) and his fellow soldiers are replaced and discarded by the army in favor of genetically bread super-soldiers. Todd is abandoned on an isolated planet and taken in by a peaceful settlement of crash survivors. Just as he is expelled from the settlement because of their fear of him the army arrives on a training mission with the super-soldiers. Todd quickly returns to protect the settlement and in the process get even with the army.

The best line in the movie is as he prepares to engage these super-soldiers the woman who took him in says, "What are you going to do?" He replies, "I'm going to kill them all, sir." Good stuff.

This is a wonderfully horrible movie. However, I have to include this movie for Stallone's glasses and toothpick alone.

Throw in the car and I start to waver on my stringent headbutt rule. This movie is grrrr...I can't do it. This movie is not even good but I've seen it (too ashamed to include the actual number) times.

As for quotables, all you have to say around me and the friends I grew up with to get us going is "Pretty hair." Classic.

The only thing these movies have in common is the schlub who can sit down and watch them pretty much whenever they are on...just because.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Bacon or Chocolate

Are bacon and chocolate the foundation of a good meal? No, everybody knows that is a deep fryer and/or gravy. However, I have long held the notion that you can't name a food that I can't improve by adding either bacon or chocolate.

Now I know right away there are those of you who will reject this for two reasons: First, you either don't like bacon or chocolate. Or second, you can think of things that you would not like no matter what was added to them.

The first group I will not even address because I can't even fathom such a person and you must be either a communist or a martian.

For the second group who are thinking of disgusting things like liver or goat intestines that is not the game. Bacon or chocolate won't make gross things good but ask yourself this; if you had to eat them wouldn't you rather have them with bacon or chocolate?

You see the game is you can't name a food I can't IMPROVE with either bacon or chocolate.

Cheeseburger - Good
Bacon Cheeseburger - Improved

Strawberries - Good
Chocolate covered strawberries - Improved

Liver and onions - Bad
Liver and onions w/bacon - Improved

Cherries (I know this is debatable but for me personally...) - Bad
Chocolate covered cherries - Improved

Oh and don't bother with lemons. That is not a food. Nobody sits down to eat a lemon, unless you are a communist or a martian in which case I don't recognize you in this or any other game.

Just keep this in mind when looking for ways to improve your eating experience.

By the way this blog will haunt your thoughts in the coming days and weeks but I assure you it is impossible to come up with something that I can't improve with either bacon or chocolate.

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