Mount Funny

There’s nothing like a good laugh to cure what ails you. No matter what kind of mood you’re in, laughter will improve your outlook.

Some people were put on this earth to make us laugh. I have a great love and affinity for comedians and the art of humor. With that I’d like to pay homage to several funny people who’ve made me laugh throughout my lifetime, Mount Rushmore style.

I’m going to break the Mount Rushmore rules by highlighting those who didn’t make the mountain but still tickle my funny bone just the same. I had no criteria other than I find them amusing and they are in the order I regard them as to how many laughs they’ve provided me over the years. Rating funny is difficult and picking just four is nearly impossible so I picked one person to represent every decade I’ve been alive: 70’s, 80’s, 90’s, 00’s.

And since I’d hate to make a funny person sad, here’s an honorable mention list to boot: Jim Parsons, Amy Poehler, John Candy, Ray Romano, Conan O'Brien, Zach Galifianakis, Jerry Stiller, Nathan Lane, Russell Brand, David Letterman, Bob Hope, Dan Aykroyd, Bob Newhart, Wanda Sykes and Lucille Ball.

25. Jack Black
High Fidelity, School of Rock, Kung Fu Panda, Orange County, Nacho Libre. Jack Black just cracks me up.

Quote: “God of Rock, thank you for this chance to kick [butt]. We are your humble servants. Please give us the power to blow people's minds with our high voltage rock. In your name we pray, Amen.”

24. Michael Keaton
He’s got a trio of highly re-watchable movies that are guaranteed to make you chuckle; Mr. Mom, Beetlejuice, Multiplicity.

Quote: “I understand that you little guys start out with your woobies and you think they're great... and they are, they are terrific. But pretty soon, a woobie isn't enough. You're out on the street trying to score an electric blanket, or maybe a quilt. And the next thing you know, you're strung out on bedspreads Ken. That's serious.”

23. Dick Van Dyke
He’s pretty much done it all. From the Dick Van Dyke show to the Carol Burnett show. From Mary Poppins to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. When it comes to physical comedy Dick Van Dyke is the king.

Quote: “You know, she's a wonderful girl. She's going to make some head-hunter a great little wife someday.”

22 & 21. Richard Pryor & Gene Wilder
Although both are incredibly talented and funny on their own, how can you not put these two together. Silver Streak, Stir Crazy, See No Evil, Hear No Evil. That’s a dynamic duo. Wilder’s got classics like Willy Wonka and Blazing Saddles and I can’t help but laugh every time I see the clip of Richard Pryor mocking himself with a lit match stick (funny but wrong).

Quotes: “DEAD honky”, “You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons.”

20. Billy Crystal
Saturday Night Live has spotlighted some of the funniest human beings to ever live and Billy Crystal is the first of many to be named on this list. Miracle Max on Princess Bride is one of my favorites. City Slickers, When Harry met Sally, Analyze This, Monsters Inc., now that’s funny stuff.

Quote: “Value this time in your life kids, because this is the time in your life when you still have your choices, and it goes by so quickly. When you're a teenager you think you can do anything, and you do. Your twenties are a blur. Your thirties, you raise your family, you make a little money and you think to yourself, "What happened to my twenties?" Your forties, you grow a little pot belly you grow another chin. The music starts to get too loud and one of your old girlfriends from high school becomes a grandmother. Your fifties you have a minor surgery. You'll call it a procedure, but it's a surgery. Your sixties you have a major surgery, the music is still loud but it doesn't matter because you can't hear it anyway. Seventies, you and the wife retire to Fort Lauderdale, you start eating dinner at two, lunch around ten, breakfast the night before. And you spend most of your time wandering around malls looking for the ultimate in soft yogurt and muttering "how come the kids don't call?" By your eighties, you've had a major stroke, and you end up babbling to some Jamaican nurse who your wife can't stand but who you call mama. Any questions?”

19. Chevy Chase
Another SNL alum. Caddyshack, any of the Vacation movies, Fletch, Three Amigos, Spies Like Us. You want to laugh give Mr. Chase a look.

Quote: “Remember Danny - Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left.”

18. Eddie Murphy
Bill Simmons may object to his low ranking but this is no slight I assure you. Eddie burst out of SNL with smash 80’s hits like 48hrs, Trading Places, Beverly Hills Cop and Coming to America. Sure he’s done a string of children’s movies but that doesn’t mean they aren’t funny.

Quote: “You can't have my cornbread. That's for damn sure. You try and take my cornbread, Killing Spree, Part 2 gon' begin up in here on your [butt]. You thinking about my cornbread, better get the taste out your mouth. That's for damn sure.”

17 & 16. Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David
Another pair tied at the hip through comedy. Their work on Seinfeld is unmatched. Larry David has gone on to shine with cable appropriate comedy in Curb Your Enthusiasm and Jerry is a first rate stand up but Seinfeld is still their crown jewel.

George: And to think I'd fail at failing...
Jerry: Aw, come on, now.
George: I feel like I can’t do anything wrong.
Jerry: Nonsense. You do everything wrong.
George: You think so?
Jerry: Absolutely. I have no confidence in you.
George: Well, I guess I'll just have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and throw myself right back down again.
Jerry: That's the spirit. You suck.

15. Tim Allen
Better known for Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor and Buzz Lightyear but Tim Allen has one of the funniest stand up bits I’ve seen, Men are Pigs. He’s gone from a foul mouthed comedian to a family film and TV star. He’s played Santa for crying out loud.

Quote: “Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.”

14. Chris Farley
There will always be a soft, fat spot in my heart for Chris Farley. Matt Foley is an all time great SNL characters and I’ve quoted Tommy Boy more than almost any other movie in my lifetime. Just his small part as the bus driver in Billy Madison almost brings me to tears.

Quote: “I'd better not. I have what doctors call a little bit of a weight problem. I used to grab bear claws as a kid, two at a time, and I'd get them lodged right in this region here.”

13. Robin Williams
Hysterically funny for decades now. Mork & Mindy, Good Morning Vietnam, Hook, Mrs. Doubtfire, The Birdcage. That’s not even mentioning Aladdin, name one other voice actor who absolutely stole the show in an animated film. You can’t. They should have called it Genie and Aladdin.

Quote: “It's like riding a psychotic horse toward a burning stable.”

12. Jon Stewart
If you’ve ever watched The Daily Show then you know why he’s on here. I don’t care what side of the isle you are on Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz is one funny dude. Also The Daily Show has launched more careers than any comic show outside of SNL, including two of my top 10.

Quote: “Just a quick observation- when people do not want to play the blame game... They’re to blame”

11. Tom Hanks
The Oscar winning and extremely accomplished actor actually started out in comedies. Bachelor Party, The Money Pit, Dragnet, Big, The 'burbs, A League of Their Own and co-starring with our No. 15 comedian in Toy Story.

Quote: “Hear about that guy up in the Bronx? Just went crazy; thought he was a pigeon. They've found him in the park, throwing breadcrumbs at himself.”

10. Tina Fey
The current holder of the “Funniest Woman Alive” trophy. Her time on SNL was great. Her big screen efforts in Baby Mama and Date Night are solid but both pale in comparison to Liz Lemon and her adventures in 30 Rock. That’s my new shameful way to waste an evening sitting down and watching syndicated 30 Rock reruns.

Quote: “Hey, nerds! Who has two thumbs, speaks limited French and hasn't cried once today? This moi.”

9. Kevin James
Speaking of hours well wasted on syndicated reruns, King of Queens is an awesome way to kill a half hour. For us fat guys Sweating the Small Stuff is a hilarious stand up routine as well. He’s done some movies too but who cares.

Quote: “I'm going to come up with something so romantic and heartfelt it's gonna make you feel like a piece of crap! A piece of crap!”

8. Steve Carell
Our first Daily Show graduate who has, comedically speaking, conquered the big and small screens. The Office’s Michael Scott is a character we will never see the like again. Evan Almighty, Get Smart, Despicable Me and his role alongside No. 10 Tina Fey in Date Night will definitely leave you smiling and satisfied. That’s what she said!

Quote: “Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, "Uh, no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney.”

7. Will Ferrell
This kicks off a slew of SNL standouts. Although most of his film are a little off color; Old School, Anchor Man, Talladega Nights, not to mention FunnyorDie.com, he’d be on this list solely for his role as Buddy in Elf. My all time favorite Christmas movie by a mile and he is amazing in it. Our family quotes that movie the entire month of December. It’s causing me physical pain to only highlight one quote here.

Quote: “First we'll make snow angels for a two hours, then we'll go ice skating, then we'll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse Cookiedough as fast as we can, and then we'll snuggle.”

6. Steve Martin
This wild and crazy guy is far more than a compilation of his movies but just that compilation alone is impressive. The Jerk, The Three Amigos, Planes, Trains & Automobiles, Parenthood, Father of the Bride, Cheaper by the Dozen, The Pink Panther and an underrated appearance in Baby Mama.

Quote: “I'll tell you what I'm doing. I want to buy eight hot dogs and eight hot dog buns to go with them. But no one sells eight hot dog buns. They only sell twelve hot dog buns. So I end up paying for four buns I don't need. So I am removing the superfluous buns. Yeah. And you want to know why? Because some big-shot over at the wiener company got together with some big-shot over at the bun company and decided to rip off the American public. Because they think the American public is a bunch of trusting nit-wits who will pay for everything they don't need rather than make a stink. Well they're not ripping of this nitwit anymore because I'm not paying for one more thing I don't need. George Banks is saying NO!”

5. Bill Murray
I don’t even feel the need to make a case for Mr. Murray, also an SNL giant. Go see these movies and thank me later: Caddyshack, Ghostbusters, What About Bob?, Groundhog Day and The Man Who Knew Too Little.

Quote: “This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat. What a hype. Groundhog Day used to mean something in this town. They used to pull the hog out, and they used to eat it. You're hypocrites, all of you!”



Carol Burnett
Without question, in my mind, Carol Burnett is the Queen of funny women. Matter of fact I’d say that the funniest woman alive trophy should be henceforth and forever bare her name. Pick any one of her variety shows and you are guaranteed to laugh out loud. She even made the villain in Annie both loveable and hilarious. Beyond the characters she’s played she’s just a supremely funny individual.

Quote: “Adolescence is just one big walking pimple.”



Bill Cosby
The Cosby Show really defines the ideal American family for most and Cosby as the patriarch was superb. It’s no wonder that his comedy revolved largely around his family. You want to treat yourself just sit down and watch an hour or so of Bill Cosby: Himself. Now that’s high comedy.

Quote: “When you're a father you censor yourself. You get just as angry with a child but you don't want to say, "What the filth and foul and I'll filth and foul, filth and foul and, yeah, ya filth and foul face, and I'll filth and foul, foul, filth!" You don't want to say that to a child so you censor yourself and you sound like an idiot: "What the... Get your... I'll put a... Get out of my face!"”



Adam Sandler
Say what you want about his movies but I came of age with Adam Sandler’s brand of humor. It’s why I’m so demented. In junior high we’d listen to his CD’s which are full of his vulgar warped sense of humor and we’d laugh and laugh. I still laugh thinking about it. After SNL he went on to make some pretty funny films too: Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, The Wedding Singer, The Waterboy, Big Daddy, Mr. Deeds, Anger Management, 50 First Dates and the only one I’ll let my kids watch, Bedtime Stories. I'm well aware this is a controversial one and I don't care.

Quote: “No I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? this girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyll.”



Stephen Colbert
Not only was he a correspondent on The Daily Show but he wrote for SNL too. If you’ve never watched The Colbert Report you are missing out. Four times a week Stephen T. Colbert brings it like no other. How he stays in character night after night is beyond me. I tune in just waiting to see what he’ll do next.

Quote: “Sure they may be old and sick, but as Jesus said, "Walk it off."”

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Mount Cartoon

Cartoons are fun. They are entertaining. Sure they are mostly targeted at children but they can be enjoyed by all ages.

I grew up with cartoons in the 80’s. Saturday mornings were filled with shows like The Jetsons, Inspector Gadget, Voltron, Thundercats, G.I. Joe, Transformers and He-Man and the Masters of the Universe.

The Smurfs, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the Muppet Babies bridged the gap into the 90’s. Some of you are saying, “The 90’s? You had to have been at least been a teenager by then, right?” Well yes I was, and shut your mouth. After a couple of short lived but quality cartoons like Duck Tales and Chip ‘n Dales Rescue Rangers went off the air there was a bit of a cartoon renaissance with shows like Doug, Tiny Toon Adventures, Batman: The animated series, TaleSpin and X-Men.

Then the unfortunate happened, for a little while it just became to uncool for me to regularly patronize such childish things; although on occasion I would catch Recess or Arthur under the guise of spending time with my little sister.

I’ll admit here that for a brief period of time, just out of high school, I watched Gargoyles nearly every day while eating a bowl of cereal before heading off to work the night shift. I don’t care if you judge me that was a good show.

As a parent, once my children grew out of the sometimes painful Blue’s Clues/Dora the Explorer phase, I was reintroduced to Arthur which is still going strong. From there in our house Nickelodeon had a pretty good run with The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius, Avatar: The Last Airbender and (although my wife will cringe at its mention) SpongeBob SquarePants.

Throw in the fairly recent editions from the Cartoon Network of Star Wars: The Clone Wars and Thundercats and you are pretty much up to date with some of my favorite cartoon shows of the past three decades with four purposeful exceptions.

Simply put, there are those that stand apart from the crowd. Look at it like this, say aliens land on our planet and we are not home, or humanity is forced underground for several hundred years and upon re-emerging they are curious about us. There is really only one way to ensure that important information is preserved. Carve a monument on the face of a mountain and tuck the critical data in the hall of records behind it. With that said there is obviously limited space so here are my nominations.



Looney Tunes

This one could get the nod purely on longevity having remained relevant for almost 80 years. Warner Bros. kicked off this animated treat in the early 1930’s introducing characters like Porky Pig and Daffy Ducky with the big cheese (or carrot as the case may be) bursting onto the scene in 1940. There’s not a person alive, in this country at least, between the ages of 8 and 80 who doesn’t know who you are quoting when you ask, “What’s up, doc?” This slapstick banter driven show has taken on many incarnations including major motion pictures. Bugs Bunny and friends recently returned to the Cartoon Network with The Looney Tunes Show introducing them to a whole new generation including my kids.

Memorable characters: Tweety and Sylvester, Marvin the Martian, Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner, Taz, Elmer Fudd, Pepe Le Pew, Speedy Gonzales, Yosemite Sam and last but not least Lola Bunny

Classic Quotes: “You’re deth-picable!”, “Be vewy vewy quiet, I’m hunting wabbits, He-e-e-e!”, “Suffering succotash!”, “I tawt I taw a puddy tat!”, “Andale! Andale! Arriba! Arriba! Yii-hah!”, “Beep! Beep!”

Animaniacs

I’m sure I’ll take some heat for this one but only from those who’ve never seen it. This short lived but brilliant show came about just at the right time for me. I wasn’t quite old enough to have abandon cartoons but was just old enough to get the old-fashioned wit as well as the pop culture references that were splattered about the content of the show. In some respects Animaniacs is the little brother of Looney Tunes, they are both Warner Bros. products but this was done in collaboration with Steve Spielberg. The show was full of wild characters that lived on the Warner Bros. lot and were always up to mischief; led by siblings Yakko, Wakko and Dot who escaped from the Warner Bros. water tower where they’d been held since the 1930’s. Their irreverent comedy really struck a chord with not only small children but teens and pre-teens alike. Pinky and the Brain was pure gold and eventually spun off into their own show. Pinky: What are we going to do tonight brain? Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world!

Memorable characters: Dr. Otto Scratchansniff, Ralph the Security Guard, Hello Nurse, Rita and Runt, Slappy Squirrell and The Goodfeathers

Classic Banter

Dot: Oh, oh, my heart aches with the sorrow of a thousand scouts. No merit badge. I mourn my loss.
Yakko: Say, those acting classes are really paying off.

Ned Flat: Why are you acting like this?
Yakko: We're not acting. We really are like this.

Ivan Bloski: Shhh. Shhh. Do you know what that means?
Yakko: You got a slow leak?

The Godfather: [to henchmen] Show these kids the door!
Yakko: That's OK, we can see it from here. Ooh, nice door.
Wakko: Faboo!
Dot: Great hinges.

Man: Do you know who I am?
Yakko: Why? Did you forget?

Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering? [repeated regularly with a non-sequitur reply from Pinky]
Pinky: I think so, Brain, but where are we going to find rubber pants our size?
Pinky: I think so, Brain, but if we didn't have ears we'd look like weasels.
Pinky: I think so, Brain, but burlap chafes me so.
Pinky: I think so, Brain, but where are we going to find a duck and a garden hose at this time of night?
Pinky: Um, I think so, Brain, but why would anyone want to pierce Brosnan?
Pinky: I think so, Brain, but bein' Pippi Longstocking, I mean, what would the children look like?
Pinky: I think so, Brain, but isn't Regis Philbin already married?
Pinky: I think so Brain, but I can't memorize a whole opera in Yiddish!
Pinky: I think so Brain but how will we get the Spice Girls into the paella?

The Simpsons

Speaking of irreverent, this show redefined the word. The Simpsons didn’t target children at all. It was a prime time television show that happened to be a cartoon. Centered around a stereotypical dysfunctional family we follow the lives of Marge, Homer, Lisa, Bart and Maggie in the fictional town of Springfield. Started in the 1989 it’s difficult to measure its impact on pop culture and society as a whole because it’s so ingrained in both. The Simpsons have won Emmys, Annies and a Peabody if you can believe that. In 1999 Time Magazine named it the 20th century’s best television series. The show is still running today with no end in sight.

Memorable characters: Moes, Charles Montgomery Burns, Krusty the Clown, Ned Flanders, Barney, Nelson Muntz, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Grampa Simpson, Chief Wiggum, Groundskeeper Willie and (my personal favorite) Ralph Wiggum

Classic Quotes: “D’oh!”, “Ay Caramba”, “Okily Dokily”, “Excellent”, “Ha Ha”, “Eat my shorts”, “Me fail English? That’s unpossible”, “I’ve done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff”, “I’m normally not a praying man but if you’re up there please save me Superman”, “Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix”, “Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try”, “You don’t win friends with salad”, “Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do?”, “Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people”, “I hope I didn’t brain my damage”

Phineas and Ferb

This show is a late comer but just as strong as its predecessors; once again returning to a kid targeted show but with brilliant writing that appeals to all ages. You are hooked almost from the opening credits. The beauty is that the format never changes but is always new. You know what to expect but can’t wait to see what they are going to do today. It follows Phineas Flynn and his English step brother Ferb Fletcher through their daily adventures in summer vacation with their older sister Candace trying to bust them. Their pet secret agent platypus (you read that right) Perry always disappears at the beginning of the day to thwart whatever n’ator driven evil scheme Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz has cooked up. Somehow the two stories overlap with Agent P and Doofenshmirtz unwittingly erasing all evidence of Phineas and Ferb’s latest invention just before their mother comes home. If you haven’t seen it do yourself a favor and check out this Disney masterpiece.

Memorable characters: Baljeet, Carl, Isabella, Stacy, Jeremy Johnson, Buford, Lawrence Fletcher, Linda Flynn-Fletcher, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz, Norm, Major Monogram and the Fireside girls.

Classic catchphrases: “Hey, where’s Perry?”, “Ferb, I know what we’re gonna do today!”, “Whatcha doing?”, “Well that can’t be good”, “Yes, yes we are”, “Oh, there you are Perry”, “Curse you Perry the Platypus!”