Fulfilled

The definition of purpose is the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.  When this blog was born, way back in the bygone year of 2008, its purpose was another outlet for me to share my long form thoughts and, hopefully, to entertain.  I posted semi-regularly, mostly about food, and we had some laughs.  Over time the purpose of the blog evolved, although food seemed to be a theme that prevailed (note to self: you really should think less about food).

I write for fun, to some people that may sound strange but I enjoy it.  For years I toyed with the idea of writing a book and researched the best practices for becoming a writer.  Over and over again the message I found was to write and write often.  So the purpose of this blog became a play ground for an aspiring writer.

I wrote on a variety of topics from my own neurosis to food, from interpersonal relationships to food, from highlighting my favorite action movie stars to highlighting my favorite restaurants (seriously man, stop thinking about food).  While this blog was still a forum to share my long form thoughts and entertain, it was more importantly a place for me to see what I could accomplish with the written word; a place to flex my burgeoning author muscles.

Much of my writing dealt with my observations and opinions about the things I witnessed or experienced.  My favorite posts, though, were when I could tell a story.  I love to tell stories, I always have.  For me the best stories are those that are only mostly true, stories that have a strong footing in reality with a splash of fiction for flavor.

As a missionary, for five months, I lived and worked in Mandeville, Jamaica.  Number 4 Cotton Tree Road housed six missionaries, including myself.  Missionaries were paired in companionships and assigned to work in specific areas.  Each night we would return home from our assigned fields of labor and swap stories of our daily adventures.  I remember one particular night I began to regale the other two companionships with a hilarious encounter between us, a Rastafarian man and his machete.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw my companion burst into the room and seat himself on the bed to my right.  He looked up at me with all the glee and wonder of a child on Christmas morning.  His complete engagement and anticipation for the story caused me to pause.  I looked down at him and said, "Why are you looking at me like that?  You know what happens, man, you were there."  His reply has always stuck with me.  He said, "I know, but it always sounds better when you tell it."

You see, I knew I could tell stories but I still wasn't sure if I could write.  After years of posting my inane ramblings here on this blog I decided to take a crack at a short and simple story and dip my toe into the frightening world of publishing.  I wrote a fictional account of an exchange between a hippopotamus father and his hippopotamus son, which I thought lent itself to a children's picture book.  After some thorough Internet research, I sent it to one literary agent that I determined was a good fit for my story.  I was soundly, but politely, rejected.  It hit me harder than I thought.  Immediately I doubted whether I could handle such an outcome with a story that I would need to invest months, if not years, in to tell properly.  I still had this blog and so, after licking my wounds for several weeks, I dusted myself off and moved on.

Nearly two years later my brother heard me telling bed time stories to my children about a bird and an iguana.  He attempted to cajole me into writing them down and seeking to have them published.  I shared with him my previously undisclosed failure and he scoffed at me and told me I should try again.  Mostly to shut him up, I decided to polish up my original story and even took a stab at illustrating it myself (my hippopotamus skills are on point).  This time I sent it to several literary agents with the hope of increasing my chances, but also to have more evidence to prove how difficult it is to get published.  I was again met with disappointment in the former but succeeded brilliantly in proving the latter.  By now, however, I had put so much time and effort into it that I thought it would be a waste to just let it die; so I chose to publish it myself as an ebook.  It was so simple, and free, that I wonder if it might be a viable option should I attempt a novel.

As a test I compiled the majority of the posts from this blog into one book.  In just under a week I had published It's Called Helping...You're Welcome.  With that safety net, the very next day I started working on an idea I had been carrying around with me for fifteen years.  Once I had completed the first draft of my novel I went back to the well one last time to turn a 2009 post, about a harrowing experience in the Hellsgate wilderness, into a novella titled The Gorge.

These were all key milestones on my journey to becoming a published author, a dream that will be realized this February when The Land of Look Behind hits a book shelf near you.  So it is with profound gratitude that I say farewell to this blog as it has fulfilled its purpose.  Today a new site is born with a new purpose and I couldn't be more thrilled.  Welcome to aaronblaylock.com (so far no food).

Original

I subscribe to Herman Melville’s notion that it’s “better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation”.  I accept that we are all products of our experiences and are thus influenced by those who’ve come before us, but I pride myself on being an original.  (With one notable exception: I would secretly love to meet my doppelganger.  So if you are an attractive middle-aged balding man with caramel skin, an orthodontally corrected smile and a cushiony figure, look me up.  Let’s do lunch, or possibly Parent Trap someone.)

With my stories originality is doubly important to me, which is problematic when readers generally look for comparable works to group your book with.  When I gave a brief and basic synopsis of my first novel to a friend he said, “So it’s like the Tennis Shoe books?”  I wanted to die.  That is not to say that I don’t like the Tennis Shoe books, on the contrary, but my story has next to nothing in common with Mr. Heimerdinger’s stories and I set out to create something that I believe is unique. 

I would never wish to rehash something someone else had done.  I even shy away from repeating things that I myself have created.  To retread, reinvent or reimagine a thing is fine and can be entertaining and in some ways new and fresh, but it’s not something I want to do (I even removed ‘I myself’ from that sentence because I used it in the previous sentence #truestory).

Here in lies my problem.  I am currently working on my second novel, and have been since late last year.  It deals with our inner thoughts and a heavenly bureau charged with cataloging them.  Just after I had the idea for this story I heard that Pixar would release a film in 2015 called Inside Out that dealt with our inner emotions and I thought, “Uh oh.”  Still it sounded different enough, so I put that worry to the back of my mind and began to work on my story. 

Today I had the pleasure to go to the movies with my wife and watch Inside Out.  First, let me say that I love love love loved this film.  I would recommend it to anyone.  Matter of fact, if you have not seen it you should go immediately (after you finish reading this of course).  Having said that though, my heart sank from the opening frames as it was markedly similar to the imagery I used in my story to frame an integral part of the plot.  After that, thankfully, I am happy to report that Mr. Docter and Mr. Del Carmen went in a wonderfully different direction and there were very few parallels between their story and mine.  However, I can already hear the comments when I describe my next book, “So it’s like Inside Out”. 

My own personal Sadness took control for a few minutes, and a bit of Anger, as a contemplated how I could light the digital copy of my work on fire.  I really considered shelving the whole thing because of two minutes of a movie.  Upon further reflection I decided that this is a story worth telling regardless of comparisons.

After some serious soul searching I have reached the conclusion that a comparison doesn’t diminish your work but in many ways can help your readers.  While I still place a high value on originality, and that is the bar I will continually try to surpass, if someone finds similarities elsewhere from their experiences or influences I will no longer look for the closest, biggest rock to crawl under (unless it’s 50 Shades of Anything, then you will find me with a cinderblock necktie looking for the nearest neighborhood pool).

Disclaimer: I fully recognize the irony of starting a blog on originality with a quote from someone else and ending it with a 2 Big Bald Guys joke I borrowed from Jason Day.  #hypocrisy

Self Imposed

As a freelance sports reporter I grew accustom to working under deadlines.  If your game was slotted for the paper then your write up better beat the print deadline, regardless of whether or not your game went long.  I quickly learned that deadlines were a great way to elevate your heart rate and raise the old blood pressure, particularly when the sports desk was calling for an update on your submission.

Fun Fact: the term deadline came from a line drawn around a military prison.  Cross the line and get shot…dead.

For more creative and less structured pursuits I have found success when applying self-imposed deadlines (the newspaper kind, not the military prison kind).  When writing my first novel, available February 9, 2016 (shameless plug), I kicked around the idea for nearly fifteen years before I got serious.  I began writing my story in early 2013 and made wonderful progress until mid-summer.  I went months without writing and when I picked it up again I tortured myself for the time lost.  I decided not to let that happen again.  For 2014 I would have one goal and one goal only.  Finish my book.  I already had a good start and a framework for how to proceed.  I just needed to push myself to do the actual work.

In the hopes of being helpful (It’s Called Helping…You’reWelcome) I wanted to share how I did it, what worked well, and what didn’t.

First, I set a deadline.  I chose my birthday (November 4^th for those who’d like to send gifts) as an arbitrary date of completion.   In hindsight that was pretty stupid.  I did not consider my project or my progress in selecting the date.  I had no idea if I could make it by then or if it would even take that long, and I didn’t specify what “completion” meant.  Was that my first draft or my final?  Turns out I finished my first draft in August but several re-writes later I did make my November deadline with a final draft.

You need to be specific and qualify what success will look like.  You also need to be realistic but at the same time remove the wiggle room from your inner procrastinator.  You aren’t going to write a full length novel in four weeks but at the same time I shouldn’t give myself four weeks to, say, write this blog.  There’s no formula for striking this balance but you know you.  Be honest, set goals that you can reach and be prepared to hold yourself accountable.

The second thing I did was to set smaller, short term, goals.  This was my attempt to be specific and this was actually the most helpful thing I did.  I set daily writing goals.  First, I tried to set a page count but that didn’t work for me.  Some days I could crank out four pages while other days I could hardly muster one.  I quickly abandoned that and set daily time-based goals.  I blocked out time in my schedule and devoted that to writing.  Regardless of the progress I made I could look at the day and honestly say I devoted the prescribed amount of time to my goal, rather than crucify myself for not making a page count.  The key is setting attainable goals.  Being rigid and inflexible is counterproductive.   Don’t excuse yourself or let yourself off the hook, however, be willing to adapt your short term goals to something that makes sense for you and can create momentum.

Next, involve someone else.  I am very protective of my stories and didn’t tell too many people what I was working on, but I know me and if I didn’t have someone to be accountable to things might slide.  I enlisted my wife as my editor and accountability buddy.  I would give her pages, a chapter at a time, and report my progress to her.  She wasn’t the goal police but it helped to have someone who would know if I failed to follow through with what I set out to do.  One thing that I wished I had done was to post a timeline somewhere I could see it.  That is something I have done this time around and it has already yielded huge benefits.  Not only do I have a reminder of where I’m headed but I have a visual representation of how I am doing, which makes the next step easier.

Celebrate your accomplishments.  When you set a goal set a reward for meeting that goal while you’re at it.  For instance, I wanted to complete chapter three of my current project by the end of this week and if I did I was going to write this blog entry on self-imposed deadlines.  (That’s right, I know how to get down)  Check and check.  It feels good.

The flip side, though, is holding yourself accountable if you fail to meet your deadline.  I am not suggesting you hire prison guards to shoot you if you pass a deadline (although that would no doubt be effective), but you should definitely forgo any carrot you dangled for yourself and possibly impose a penalty that will hurt.  I decided that if I did not complete my manuscript by my deadline that there would be no birthday freebies for me.  For those of you who know me, you know how painful that would have been.  Fortunately, I enjoyed my BBQ Bacon Blue Burger at Joe’s Farm Grill and my wife was spared watching me sob in the fetal position all day long on my birthday.

So this time around I nearly made the same mistakes again.  I arbitrarily set the end of the year as a target for my next project, however, when I looked at where I was and what needed to be done I moved my date to February 9^th. (Where have I seen that date before?)  So now I guess you are all my accountability buddies.  I have the schedule up on my whiteboard and a series of smaller rewards (yes they are food based, don’t judge).  If I don’t make my deadline I want you all to come up to me at my launch party with a disappointed look on your face and shake your head in haughty derision.  (Penalty imposed)

Dreams May Come

Last week I received an email that simply read,

Dear Mr. Blaylock,

Thank you for your submission. Our acquisitions editors loved your story, and it is in the final stages of our review process to be considered for publication. We will have our decision in the next day or two.

Thank you,

Cedar Fort, Inc. | Fiction Department

My heart leapt in my chest.  I read it over and over again.  Seriously, I’ve committed it to memory.  I immediately called my wife and read it to her.  She asked, “What does it mean?”

I didn’t know how to answer.  Six months ago I finished my first novel.  With that huge check mark off the old bucket list, I looked to publish it.  I sent several query letters to literary agents but was ultimately met with disappointment.  One Friday night, on a date with my wife, we went to Seagull Book (that’s right, we know how to live it up) and looked at the various publishers.  I visited their websites and submitted my entire manuscript, not just a synopsis, to Cedar Fort.  With great trepidation I clicked submit as was the first time, in its entirety, my work had left my possession.  Realizing the situation was beyond my control I started my next project and, in an effort to improve my writing, even entered a short story competition.  The plan was to take a break from my novel and circle back with fresh eyes later this year.  Flash forward to last week and the email above.

What did it mean?  I tried to analyze (or over-analyze to be more accurate) every detail.  I noticed the “Dear Mr. Blaylock” was in a different font than the rest of the text and feared that suggested it was a form letter.  But it said they loved my story, that’s not form letter language, that’s personal and positive. 

“…the final stages of our review process.”  WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!  What is the process?  I pictured a dark tribunal surrounding a well-lit table where my manuscript lay; a cloaked figure looming over it with a Caesar-like thumbs up or thumbs down to decide its fate. 

“…considered for publication”, my heart’s desire.   All I could ask was to be considered.  Just to know that my story had been considered was thrilling.

“We will have our decision in the next day or two.”  A day or two?!  The agony, the anxiety, the horror.  Why send this email just to imbue the reader with false hope?  Surely this email was a good sign, a formality or matter of due course.  You don’t know that, and don’t call me Shirley.

Throughout the restless night that followed the cloaked figure haunted my consciousness.  I worried for my little manuscript and did not dare to dream of what might be.  Mercifully, I was rescued from a second night of tossing and turning when I received an email the following morning.

Hi, Aaron!

Thank you for submitting The Land of Look Behind to us. You had me on the edge of my seat the entire time…I think we have the perfect market for this story. We would like to publish your book! Congratulations! 

Cedar Fort, Inc. | Fiction Acquisition Editor

My entire body trembled as I shakenly dialed the phone.  My wife answered and I began to read to her without even a hello.  She failed to choke back the tears and in a trembling voice said “You did it.”

The only person on earth who could truly appreciate what this means to me is my wife.  It was fifteen years ago that I conceived the idea for this story.  Camping by myself in the mountains, I had gone to pray and consider a possible future that I hoped would involve her.  I took a notebook with me and began to write the framework for a story that had been swirling around in my head.  Neither my story nor my love life came about exactly as I imagined but as I type this I have the girl of my dreams on the couch to my right and a release date for my story in my inbox.

So, boys and girls, mark your calendars for February 9, 2016 and stay tuned for what dreams may come.

Wish He Was Here

After more than a year of riding a wave of support from his fans Zach Braff tells one supporter that he’ll take his money but not his criticism. The Scrubs star, who famously crowd-funded his latest film Wish I Was Here, proves once again that celebrities are only on social media to feed their massive egos and line their pockets and don’t want to take any flak from the unwashed masses.

@EveningTheScore, a Zach Braff fan who contributed to his Kickstarter campaign to fund Wish I Was Here, tweet Friday night “These clips are making this movie look more and more campy. This isn’t Scrubs, @ZachBraff. Lock it up.”

Less than ten minutes later Braff direct messaged @EveningTheScore saying simply, “Quite rude. Unfollow me.”

Zach Braff has 1.43 million followers, of which I am (at least for now) one, no one expects him to know each one or realize that this particular follower has donated to his cause and tweeted in support of him and his film multiple times over the course of the project. He could not possibly know that this follower proudly wears his WIWH Kickstarter t-shirt, probably a little more than he should. And he most definitely cannot be expected to know that this all came on the eve of him excitedly viewing the film for the first time.

However, there are still numerous things disappointing about this situation. I’ll set aside for a moment the cowardly nature of a DM versus a public reply; which @EveningTheScore did immediately to apologize to the fragile Bullets over Broadway actor.

Braff revealed again the imbalanced relationship between celebrities and their “fans”. Celebrities provide entertainment and distraction to their audience. In turn they are not only compensated financially but receive adulation, energy, and power. They feed on this like Charlize Theron’s character from Snow White and the Huntsman. Social media has allowed them to bask in their own glory to unprecedented levels. However, this has proved to be a double edge sword as it also exposes them to Internet trolls, cowards themselves, who hide behind pseudonyms and false avatars.

There is no defense for the unconscionable comments and attacks you read on the Internet on a daily basis and I’m not advocating for that. However, there is a perception that to be a fan you must love/accept everything and anything that a person, group or organization does without question. That is clearly what Braff is after. I’m here to say that you can be a fan of someone; you can admire them, appreciate their work and even contribute financially without surrendering your thoughts and opinions.

I would say to Mr. Braff, if he was here, if you are going to dive into the deep end that is social media you had better put on your big girl pants because not everyone is going to mindlessly worship you. If you can’t take one critical comment from a true blue dyed in the wool fan then you probably shouldn’t be on Twitter because if you are that delicate I shudder to think of the day when you can no longer count on the 1.43 million pats on the back you are looking for.

Full disclosure @EveningTheScore is my little brother, which does not in any way excuse this 555 word overreaction to Zach Braff’s 4 word overreaction.

On These Two Commandments Hang All The Law

I have purposely reserved judgment and steered clear of the arguments and rhetoric on both sides of Arizona SB 1062 until I had the opportunity to read it for myself and at least attempt to understand the implications of this bill.

Now that I have read the bill, the existing statute and accompanying summaries and fact sheets I feel I can speak with all the authority of a moderately informed citizen with absolutely no experience as a practitioner of law. (Are you still reading? Okey dokey.)

My first thought on this amendment is that it was virtually no effect on my life personally. My freedom to practice my religion is currently protected by the first amendment “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

Furthermore, as I understand it, Arizona state law section 41-1493, of which SB 1062 is currently amending, already provides protection without amendments.

Now I understand that I am representative of just a small portion of this state and country and that the effect of this bill has very real ramifications to people’s lives. After reading SB 1062 I allowed myself to read comments, thoughts and arguments on both sides. These were proffered almost entirely from friends and family who I know personally and sincerely respect and care for. Outside of a few exceptions, on both sides, I found there to be an abundance of handwringing and fear mongering that bordered on the extreme.

As it pertains to government and specifically our liberty I prescribe to the notion that “The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's (or woman’s) nose begins”.

Best I can tell, those on either side of this bill are seeking to swing their arms more widely and are expecting those who oppose them to move their flipping noses out of the way. And whichever way this thing goes there will be those who have their noses severely bent out of shape. (I may have overused the nose analogy. Are you still reading? Really? Well alright.)

I won’t pretend to speak for the lawmakers who wrote this bill or those who will be more directly impacted by it. I intend to speak for myself and myself alone, but to speak to those on both sides; those who claim they are seeking to protect and exercise their religious freedom and those who claim that they are being discriminated against based on religious beliefs.

Full disclosure: I was born and raised in Arizona. I am a husband and father, a Caucasian heterosexual male who is inordinately proud of a very limited Native American ancestry; that’s right ladies part Cherokee and Choctaw (Indian Outlaw? Anybody? No? Okay, moving on). I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, whose history of religious freedom “issues” have been well documented (I’m looking at you Missouri).

As a Latter Day Saint I “claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of [my] own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.” I also believe “in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.” (Articles of Faith 11&12)

However, in this case the law that concerns me is not SB 1062. The law that concerns me is one that, from appearances, might be getting brushed aside. When Jesus was asked, by a lawyer nonetheless, which was the greatest commandment in the law he answered and said, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment and the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” (Matthew 22:37-39)

In a righteous desire to stand for truth and right, to protect the freedom to worship Almighty God, foremost in our hearts and minds should be the love of God and His children; all of His children.

Before I begin to seem Pollyannaish I do not wish to suggest that we live in a world where love would end all disputes, cause us all to see things the same way and render governments and all other laws unnecessary. The reality is that each of God’s children is unique and wonderful. He has given us this life and the power to direct that life (2 Nephi 2:14, 27). We are not intended to believe, think or act the same (2 Nephi 2:11). Thank goodness.

With that said there are opposing forcing at work that seek to entice us either to light or to darkness (2 Nephi 2:16). Shining light (1 John 1:5) is of the utmost importance. It is only through that light (John 14:6) that we will draw God’s children out of darkness and invite them to come unto Him and partake of His goodness (2 Nephi 26:33).

I realize that these concepts are not universally accepted by an increasingly apathetic world that says “Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die” (2 Nephi 28:7-8) and there are many “of the world: therefore speak they of the world, and the world heareth them” (1 John 4:5) and those not of God will not hear God or the spirit of truth. Conversely, there are those who know God and hear Him. I speak now to both, if I may paraphrase the prophet Alma, to the first by way of invitation and to the latter by way of command (Alma 5:62).

“Let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might alive through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins…if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another…If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us. Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and do testify that the Father sent the Son to be the Savior of the world. Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth in him, and he in God. And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.” (1 John 4:7-16)

We cannot shine forth a righteous light without love. We cannot entice our brothers and sisters out of darkness and into the light without love. “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.” (1 John 4:18) We should not act in fear but with love.

God lives. He loves me and He loves you. Out of that love He sent His son to die that we might live. He wants us to love each other. May this spirit of love guide our thoughts, our words, our actions and even our laws, I pray in the name of Jesus Christ our Savior and Redeemer. Amen.

Star Trek Into My Review

I’ll just dive right in with a rating and a warning.


First, on a scale from 1 to ‘What?! You haven’t seen this movie yet?!! Go. Go immediately. Why are you still standing here?!’ I’d give Star Trek Into Darkness a strong ‘Have you seen it? You haven’t? Well you should.’

Now for the warning. There are spoilers in this review. Spoilers that will, by definition, affect (but not destroy) your enjoyment of this movie; so if you haven’t seen it stop reading this. By the way, you haven’t seen it yet? Well you should.

Okay, now that that’s out of the way shall we begin?

Full disclosure I’m not a harsh movie critic. I’m an easy date. Wine me, dine me, make me laugh and give me a plot that doesn’t frustrate or befuddle me and I’m yours. In addition I’m a huge fan of both J.J. Abrams and Damon Lindelof, as well as a vocal advocate of the latter. So if you are looking for me to be hyper critical of this film you are going to be as disappointed as 97% of the people who saw Prometheus. Hey-O!

I am not a Trekkie or Trekker or Trekkette or whatever they call themselves (Trekken Sie Deutch?). I have not seen the original series in its entirety. My exposure to the characters came from the films, Wrath of Khan, Search for Spock, Voyage Home, etc., which I enjoyed immensely. The 2009 edition of Star Trek was by far my favorite and all of the elements from that film were present in this one (side note: I’m deliberating which one I liked better as I type this).

When I see a movie I’m not very picky but I do look for four things to qualify it as a good movie (side note: to qualify as a great movie it must have a head-butt. Side side note: stop using side notes.). I want it to stimulate me intellectually, visually, audibly and emotionally. Do that and you’ll have earned a thumbs up from this guy.

Intellectually

A lion’s share of the credit or blame goes to the writers on this one and as a Lindelof apologist I will try to be objective. With the first film they took the younger versions of the characters we know and love and ripped them from the timeline that we were familiar with and plotted a new course, so to speak, with this cast. The twist was brilliant and liberated them to do whatever they wanted going forward without being beholden to any of the story’s history. They could have literally done whatever they wanted to and said, “Hey this is an alternate reality so deal with it.” What they’ve chosen to do is so much better than that. They’ve given us an alternate reality while staying true to the stories and characters we know as much as possible but setting these things in their new reality.

Into Darkness pulls that off beautifully. They deal with the repercussions of their first movie (i.e. Romulan psycho from the future with a big drill destroys Vulcan and tries to destroy our planet. That was close earth; okay what do we do now?) and delivers a story that moves forward while injecting a pivotal character from a past reality that we are all familiar with. Here comes a spoiler folks. Leave the room if you don’t want to know what happens. Are you gone? How are you reading this if you are gone? Are you gone now? Fine, I’ll proceed. John Harrison is a Star Fleet officer who appears to have gone rouge. It turns out he is in fact a prematurely thawed out Khan who was enlisted to help Star Fleet militarize in the wake of a destroyed Vulcan and tricked and betrayed by a Star Fleet Admiral who is threatening to destroy his family/crew. Problem is in his retaliation he blows up a bunch of stuff and kills Kirk’s friend and mentor before skull crushing said Admiral and shooting the crap out of the Enterprise. So he goes from villain to sympathetic figure to super freaking villain. Intellectually stimulated yet? That’s what I thought. First test passed.

Visually

A lot of this rides on the director although the casting, actors and production crews play a large role. Into Darkness was amazing visually speaking. The grand scale of the action sequences were enthralling and really put you on the edge of your seat. Full disclosure (stop with the full disclosure already) I am no fan of 3D. This probably means my visual palette isn’t as sophisticated as yours but 2D can be plenty for me when done right and this was done right. Bravo to Abrams and the technical crew at Bad Robot for their vision of this story and kudos to the actors who, let’s face it, are a visually stimulating in their own way. You know what I’m talking about ladies. Second test, check.

Audibly

To pull this off you have to have a great sound crew and great sound mixing and effects first and foremost. And second you must must must have a great composer. Hello Michael Giacchino (LOST and Up. Oh yeah!). Hopefully this doesn’t sound like a criticism because it’s not, but I felt that the score to the first Star Trek movie (also composed by Giacchino) was a much bigger player than it was in this film. In the first Trek film the score was so powerful and prominent and although it was similar in many ways it didn’t feel as big a part of the action as the first. Still the sound of this film definitely kept pace with the sights so we are three for three and looking good.

Emotionally

This is last but certainly not least. As a matter of fact this is a compilation of everyone involved; the writing, directing, acting and composition all have to come together to make you feel something. Into Darkness makes you think for sure with how our actions affect others and what motivates people to do what they do. Without being too preachy they held a mirror up to the United States on our actions and how we view our “enemies”. If the events in the first movie were comparable to 911 then Star Fleets decisions to go from an exploratory organization to a military one is comparable to our retaliation for 911 and Harrison is comparable to the extremist that we are continually combating. For me this was equal parts intellectually and emotionally stimulating from a writing perspective. The directors and actors work hand in hand on an emotional engagement level and both were excellent. The one-liners that Trek is famous for were delivered flawlessly. From the back and forth banter from Kirk and Spock to Bones and Kirk to Spock and Bones, it was thoroughly entertaining. I found myself smiling my way through most of the film. The cast was really amazing and engaging and Cumberbatch (Harrison/Khan) enhanced an already spectactular chemistry.  I can't confirm this but I believe Benedict Cumberbatch's middle name is Motherflipping, at least that's what I'm calling him from now on, Benedict Motherflipping Cumberbatch.  Then there were the thrilling action scenes where Abrams easily immerses you in the tension of the moment. The one knock I have was that I felt the movie failed to deliver a real sense of eminent loss. They clearly were setting up to save Kirk in the end, which I’m fine with by the way, but it robbed what was supposed to be an emotional parting of any credibility. While we are on the subject SPOILER ALERT (why are you still reading?) the KHAAAAAAAAN!!!! from Spock was more comical than anything but I’m not mad at you for doing it. With that said it still past the final test.

Star Trek Into Darkness (more like Into Awesomeness, am I right?) is a phenomenal movie on par with its predecessor and I would recommend it without reservation. So if you haven’t seen it…well, you should.

Places I Eat Tournament 2013

Well it’s been a couple years, and my March Madness bracket is crap, so I thought I’d once again roll out a bracket where there are no losers. I’ve got some new contenders and old favorites. This time they’ll battle it out in the respective cities (or neighboring city). I live in the southeast valley so apologizes to Glendale and Scottsdale (especially Uncle Sam’s and Jade Place); I know you have good eats I just don’t make it up that way often. On that note I’d like to throw a shout out to The Burger House in Miami, AZ. If you are passing through try the green chili burrito or the burgers.


With the number of competitors this year I’ve added four play-in games, one for each region. There are no other criteria except I eat there and like it. I seeded them based on my initial reaction and advanced them on further reflection. I am a committee of one, although I probably have given Peder more sway than I ought to have. Although there is only one Places I Eat Champion each of these places are winners.

Real quick we’ll get some housekeeping stuff out of the way. Peppersauce Café, the last tournament champion, isn’t on the list. They closed and reopened under new management and it’s just not the same. Also gone this year are Ono’s, Fry Bread House, Los Reyes de la Torta, LJ’s (also closed and reopened under new management), Rosa’s, Mucho Gusto, La Canasta, Nello’s, Red Devil, Picazzo’s and Old Chicago Pizza. There simply wasn’t room. Los Siento.

We’ll get the play-ins out of the way first.  (here's a blank bracket for those of you playing at home)

Play-in

Mesa Region

No. 8 Midwestern Steakhouse vs. No. 8 Moki’s

Midwestern Steakhouse is a new comer to the list that packs a lot of power. Located to the west end of Midwestern Meats on Greenfield and Main this steakhouse gets its meat directly from its own butcher shop so it’s fresh and delicious. But wait there’s more. Separating the two is a real deal bakery with amazing pies, pastries and donuts. Moki’s, however, has Kalua Pork with Hawaiian Salad. Being that they are both family owned and operated, which I love, and have little chance against the No. 1 seed I went with the family that I know better.

Winner: Moki’s (quick apologize to George’s Gyros, I haven’t tried you yet but I will)

Phoenix Region

No. 8 El Comedor vs. No. 8 China Chili

That match illustrates how insane the Phoenix Region is. El Comedor was a two seed in the Mexican bracket last tournament and I love Mexican food. Now they find themselves in a play-in against China Chili who boasts the orange chicken to which all other orange chicken is compared to. This region is brutal.

Winner: El Comedor (apologizes to Over Easy. The food was great, the owner is delightful and I still need to try the breakfast sausage dipped in waffle batter and fried on a stick like a corn dog. I told you the Phoenix region is packed)

Chandler/Gilbert Region

No. 8 Ocean Blue Caribbean vs. No. 8 Chino Bandido

We’ll make this short and sweet. Chino Bandido with their Chinese/Mexican fusion and a snickerdoodle again a Jamaican food buffet. That’s right kids, A JAMAICAN FOOD BUFFET! Down goes the sombrero clad Panda; down goes the sombrero clad Panda!

Winner: Ocean Blue Caribbean (apologize to Lee’s Sandwiches, I hear good things about you and plan to try you.)

Tempe Region

No. 8 Taco Nazo vs. No. 8 Chompie’s

I know I’ve gone heavy on the newcomers in the play-in games but Chompie’s is only technically a newcomer as they were a glaring omission in the first tournament. A great breakfast place with extensive and unique lunch menu items and a billion kinds of bagels. Taco Nazo comes strong with real deal Mexican food and I’m a sucker for a good torta but this is about redeeming an oversight.

Winner: Chompie’s (wish I had one more spot for Macayo’s, they were in but you’ll read later how they got bounced)



First Round

Mesa Region

No. 1 Culver’s vs. No. 8 Moki’s

This is my favorite fast food-ish type burger place to eat at. I disqualified joints like Fatburgers, Five Guys , Freddie’s and In and Out for being chain restaurants but in a great act of hypocrisy not only allowed Culver’s in but gave them a No. 1 seed. Really it came down to two things. First, Double Butter Burger, repeat Double Butter Burger; and second because they opened one right by my house and I love them for it. So it’s a Wisconsin chain restaurant against the family owned places that I claim to heap my love and support on. In this case I’ll gladly be a hypocrite.

Winner: Culver’s

No. 2 Famous Dave’s vs. No. 7 Moreno’s 

Again another chain restaurant and Dave’s was a two seed last time as well, but for a new and wonderful reason. Pineapple Rage Boneless Buffalo Wings. Try them…immediately. I’m fond of burgers, which will be made apparent by this tournament, and Famous Dave has good burgers too but get the two meal combo plate with ribs and Pineapple Rage Boneless Buffalo Wings. You won’t be disappointed. Moreno’s I love the Sonoran Hot Dog and your street tacos are off the chain but you don’t stand a chance against the Pineapple Rage.  Plus you get a free ice cream with fireworks on your birthday!

Winner: Famous Dave’s

No. 3 Lenny’s vs. No. 6 Gyro House

Gyro House opened off Val Vista and Southern in a place where so many businesses have failed but I pray they won’t. This is a real deal mom and pop place, or however you say mom and pop in Greek. The owners are welcoming and friendly and the gyros are outstanding. Seriously, please please give them a try so they stay open. I really wish I could advance them but my children just wouldn’t understand. Lenny’s is my kid’s favorite local restaurant. They have really good food at very reasonable prices and the atmosphere is cool too. Also to wash down your burger they have 99 cent root beer floats, so that’s nice.

Winner: Lenny’s

No. 4 Costa Vida vs. No. 5 Papa Kelsey’s

In its day Papa Kelsey’s would have carried this matchup and most definitely been a higher seed. Opened as a family owned place out of Idaho this pizza and sandwich shop was the bomb-diggity. In high school it was my favorite place and not just because it was staffed with cute girls (one of which I married). The pizza was nothing to write home about but the bread on their subs, made on premise, was unreal. It is under new management and although they use the same bread recipe they’ve outsourced the baking so it’s not the same, plus there’s a bunch of tattooed dudes with ear piercings now instead of a girl I was interested in marrying. Still the Italian combo, one of my all-time favorite sandwiches, is still worth a try. Costa Vida is a Tex-Mex burrito place that actually not only has a salad that I will eat but one that I enjoy with a name that seems to be an oxymoron to me, Pork Salad. Putting aside nostalgia this wasn’t even close.

Winner: Costa Vida

Phoenix Region

No. 1 Carolina’s vs. No. 8 El Comedor

The Phoenix Region is a murderer’s row line up. Last time these two met was to decide who would represent the Mexican food region and this time they’re a first round match up. It almost makes me want to cry. Comedor is a great sit down restaurant and you can order virtually anything of the menu and you won’t be disappointed but Carolina’s is, well, magnífico! I’m salivating at just the thought of eating there. Whatever they throw together and wrap in those delicious and award winning tortillas I’ll eat…happily and thankfully. Muchos gracious, I like it muy mucho.

Winner: Carolina’s

No. 2 Lo Lo’s Chicken and Waffles vs. No. 7 Lin’s

I love a good buffet. I love Chinese food. The problem is most buffets are mediocre, and that’s especially true with Chinese buffets, so when I find a good one I rejoice. Lin’s is a really good Chinese buffet. They’ve check all the boxes for what you are looking for to satisfy your Chinese food cravings. But they ain’t fried chicken and waffles. The savory and sweet treat that is southern comfort food. You can’t beat it. Their fried chicken is top shelf and when combined it with their sumptuous sides you can’t go wrong. If you aren’t down with the waffles, seriously though don’t knock it till you try it, they’ve got a cornbread muffin bigger than my fist and Kool Aid options for days and days. I don’t know how to say sorry in Chinese.

Winner: Lo Lo’s Chicken and Waffles

No. 3 TexAZ Grill vs. No. 6 Original Hamburger Works

Another brutal matchup. Original Hamburger Works is not a good hamburger place, it’s a great hamburger place. They cook them up fresh on an open flame. If you are a burger enthusiast this place has got to be on your list. When I worked in Phoenix I went there regularly. TexAZ Grill has a phenomenal Chicken Fried Chicken plate with mash potatoes and gravy and a melt in your mouth biscuit. That alone would be enough but when Peder and I went there the owner came out to visit for a minute. I told him how much I loved the food, especially the pecan pie that I was eating at the time (which is tremendous by the way), he went in the back and told the lady who makes the pies; she promptly brought me out another piece on the house because she was happy I liked it. All things being equal, free pecan pie puts you over the top.

Winner: TexAZ Grill

No. 4 BBQ Company vs. No 5 Matt’s Big Breakfast

BBQ Company is great for so many reasons. The food, first and foremost, and then there’s the fact that they’ve got an all you can eat BBQ buffet once or twice a month. This isn’t any BBQ either, it’s premium stuff. Did I mention it’s all you can eat? Even on the regular days you will find outstanding choices like the wing and rib tip combo and, the only other salad on earth I enjoy, the Crispy Chicken Salad. Matt’s Big Breakfast really brings it too. They have off the hook breakfast items. Seriously, we were there for lunch and ordered a burger and a Reuben sandwich, which were both excellent, and saw some of the breakfast offerings coming out of the kitchen and had to order them as well; and eat them with our lunch. Don’t judge me; you would have done the same. Wish I could put them both through but there can be only one.

Winner: BBQ Company

Chandler/Gilbert Region

No. 1 Joe’s Farm Grill vs. No. 8 Ocean Blue Caribbean

Without a doubt the biggest travesty of the last tournament was making Joe’s Farm Grill an eight seed with a first round match up against the eventual champ. That has been rectified. The Bacon Blue Burger is my new death row meal. Their onion rings and shakes are amazing as well. I want to try more on their menu because it looks great but I can’t get past my Bacon Blue. Plus on my birthday it’s free! Sorry Jamaican buffet, you know I love you.

Winner: Joe’s Farm Grill

No. 2 Crazy’s vs. No. 7 The Farmhouse

It probably wasn’t fair to throw Gilbert and Chandler together because honestly Gilbert is going to hand it to Chandler in this thing. Crazy’s is a top notch Chinese buffet but The Farmhouse makes me feel like I’m being raised on a farm and treated to the all-American downhome cook’n that accompanies such a lifestyle. Plus, GIANT CINNAMON ROLLS!!

Winner: The Farmhouse
No. 3 Biscuits vs. No. 6 Hot Pots

This region has TWO Jamaican food restaurants. No way they both go out in the first round, right? Wrong! Biscuits is a newcomer in every sense of the word, both in this tournament and in the fact that I first tried them this month. I didn’t even order their delicious dry aged smoked bacon, my wife thankfully let me try a piece of hers, and I wasn’t disappointed. I got their chicken fried chicken with eggs, hash browns and an amazing buttery flaky biscuit. Best breakfast I’ve had in a while. I should pretend I’m more conflicted about this but I can’t.

Winner: Biscuits

No. 4 The Keg vs. No. 5 Café Rio

Another birthday treat, if you sign up for their birthday club you get a coupon for a free entrée of up to $25 at The Keg. That’s the best birthday deal I’ve ever heard of. The food is great too. At the Gilbert location they have a Prime Burger that quite literally melts in your mouth. Why it is not on the menu at the Tempe location baffles me and probably cost them this match up. Café Rio is another pork burrito juggernaut with a nice Pork Salad as well. Probably in deference to my friend Matt, and because The Keg no longer offers a piece of carrot cake the size of my head, I’ll go with delicious sweet pork.

Winner: Café Rio

Tempe Region

No. 1 YC’s vs. No. 8 Chompie’s

Like most top seed v bottom seed match ups this one is a blowout. Nothing against Chompie’s but YC’s is king. They lost a heartbreaker in the title game last year and have done nothing to deserve losing their No. 1 ranking, except for raising their prices to ridiculous levels. For those who missed the last tourney I’ll give you my sauce recipe again. 4 scoops YC’s sauce, 3 scoops Orange, ½ scoop ginger, 1 scoop garlic, 1 scoop sesame oil and ½ vinegar. You’re welcome.

Winner: YC’s

No. 2 The Chuckbox vs. No. 7 Lucille’s

This is a quote from the last tourney “The Chuckbox just does it right. The menu is small but the choices are mighty. Cooked on an open flame with a grill seasoned by years of yummy. Get the Big Juan with cheese and a side of onion rings and just enjoy the ride.” I submit to you that nothing has changed. Great spot, great burger. Lucille’s is a nice BBQ restaurant in Tempe Marketplace. I like the food a lot but the real reason they are on the list is honey apple butter with biscuits before your meal and a warm wet towel after. It’s splendid but not enough to get past a great burger cooked on an open flame.

Winner: The Chuckbox

No. 3 Oregano’s vs. No. 6 Venezia’s

Venezia’s is a New York style pizza by the slice joint, although ordering an entire pizza to go isn’t a bad call either. It’s pizza the way it ought to taste. Oregano’s is always packed and with good reason. They’ve got good pizza, pasta and oven baked sandwiches (my favorite is the turkey). Oh and they have waffle fries. I can’t explain it but somehow in this case their popularity works against them. It just does.

Winner: Venezia’s

No. 4 Spinato’s vs. No.5 Four Peaks Brewery

I woke up in a cold sweat last night when I realized a neglected to add Four Peaks Brewery to the list. I rectified that this morning, bumping Macayo’s and dropping Lucille’s to a seven seed. Trust me, their French fries alone warrant the move. It’s easy to forget about Four Peaks because it’s impossible to find unless you know where you are going. I’d even rank them higher is their Shrimp Po’ Boy was a regular menus item and not just an occasional special. (Seriously, add it to the menu already!) Spinato’s is a family owned Italian place with outstanding thin crust pizza. Ask for the half Chicago half pepperoni and sausage pizza extra crispy. You can thank me the next time you see me. Their sandwiches are good too but not Shrimp Po’ Boy good.

Winner: Four Peaks Brewery



The Sweet, and in some cases spicy, Sixteen

Mesa Region

No. 1 Culver’s vs. No. 4 Costa Vida

Hasta la vista Costa Vida. Double Butter Burger!! Oh and they have frozen custard and cheese curds. Yummy.

Winner: Culver’s

No. 3 Lenny’s vs. No. 2 Famous Dave’s

My love for my children and the need to validate my proclaimed love of local establishments versus chains if enough to get Lenny’s by my new obsession with Pineapple Rage.

Winner: Lenny’s

Phoenix Region

No. 1 Carolina’s vs. No. 4 BBQ Company

Honestly the competition for each of these two was closer in their first round matchups. Chicken chimichanga! Oh, or cheesy tortilla…or chorizo potato burrito…okay really anything they serve.

Winner: Carolina’s

No. 2 Lo Lo’s vs. No. 3 TexAZ Grill

It comes down to Chicken Fried Chicken versus Fried Chicken. Waffles versus mashed potatoes. Biscuits versus cornbread. I don’t want to pick. I’m just going to close my eyes and point.

Winner: Lo Lo’s Chicken and Waffles

Chandler/Gilbert Region

No. 1 Joe’s Farm Grill vs. No. 4 Café Rio

Won’t even waste your time. I’d have to be in a special kind of a mood to pick Café Rio over Bacon Blue.

Winner: Joe’s Farm Grill

No. 3 Biscuits vs. No. 7 The Farmhouse

I gave serious consideration to doing a breakfast region in large part because of for these two restaurants. Sorry cinnamon rolls I’m going with biscuits from Biscuits.

Winner: Biscuits

Tempe Region

No. 1 YC’s vs. No. 5 Four Peaks Brewery

Although I think I could eat YC’s every day, their price hike put a bad taste in my mouth. A taste I’m hoping to wash away when the Shrimp Po’ Boy makes the everyday menu (hint hint Four Peaks!)

Winner: Four Peaks Brewery

No. 2 The Chuckbox vs. No. 6 Venezia’s

I’m calling this the Tom Blodgett match up, as he called me on the carpet last time for robbing each of these fine establishments. Either way I’m sure I’ll disappoint him again so I’m going with the Big Juan.

Winner: The Chuckbox



The Great Ate…I mean Eight

The Mesa Region

No. 1 Culver’s vs. No. 3 Lenny’s

Hey my kids love the butter burger as well so they’ll get over it.

Winner: Culver’s

Phoenix Region

No. 1 Carolina’s vs. No. 2 Lo Lo’s

This is like asking me to pick between my two favorite adopted ethnic children. It’s not fair. Darn you Phoenix, darn you and your delicious choices!

Winner: Lo Lo’s Chicken and Waffles

Chandler/Gilbert Region

No. 1 Joe’s Farm Grill vs. No. 3 Biscuits

Fine, I’m cheap so I’m giving the edge to the one who gives me free lunch on my birthday. (You hear that Biscuits? You need a birthday club. Really that goes for all the places on this list)

Winner: Joe’s Farm Grill

Tempe Region

No. 2 The Chuckbox vs. No. 5 Four Peaks Brewery

Big Juan? Po’ Boy? Big Juan? Po’ Boy? Let’s see, well I can get the Big Juan any day I want it. So there you have it.

Winner: The Chuckbox

The Final Four

No. 1 Culver’s vs. No. 2 Lo Lo’s

With three burgers in the final four the Double Butter Burger has stiff competition while Lo Lo’s stands alone with deep fried greasy goodness.

Winner: Lo Lo’s Chicken and Waffles

No. 1 Joe’s Farm Grill vs. No. 2 The Chuckbox

You know how to make a great burger into a greater burger? BACON!

Winner: Joe’s Farm Grill



Championship

No. 1 Joe’s Farm Grill vs. No. 2 Lo Lo’s

Last time I decided that since the cuisines were so different that when it came out of regionals I’d pick whichever one I’d choose to eat if I could only eat at one place every day for the rest of my life. If I did that in this case the rest of my life would not be that long. With that in mind I’m going to go with the one that would shorten my life the fastest but bring me the greatest joy in the brief time I had left.

Champion: Lo Lo’s Chicken and Waffles

Let’s hear it. What did I miss? What did I get wrong?